Half Asleep Half Dazed

As I am half-awake or half-asleep whichever way you want to think of it, well as I am here right now 1:30 AM in the morning. I don't want to sleep because I don't want tomorrow to come but I know I can't stay awake longer but still in the hope that today won't pass I stay awake and think. Think!, What should I do now? Where do I go now?

I am as confused or as in-denial as I have never been before. I wish to succeed but yet I pause for a moment and think that what if all this is a waste of time, a road that leads nowhere, a conspiracy theory or just a inhumane experiment being conducted upon me by a higher force. Whatever might be the most plausible explanation to your mind, that keeps you going that ever-elusive one more day? But still I ponder upon my fate, if such a thing exists, NOW WHAT??? Where am I going???

Or If I am even asking the right questions? Don't people have doubts. I have seen people who show no signs of doubt. My dear sir, I was that man one time, no doubts, no clue but still no doubts. I was like a hero who was dumber than the post as they say, but still managed to come out on the top. But at this moment let me tell you that Ignorance is Bliss, sir. I was happy as a lark, my dear readers. But where did that happiness go don't know but let me tell you one thing, nothing matters in the end whether you had great grades or even if you the scholar that everyone said that you should be, all that matters is that you are happy in your heart and soul. But you might wonder why no-one ever includes mind in that equation because sir as I found out the mind can be never happy. It doesn't understand any emotion its like a microchip (I don't call it computer because software still gives it some heart) but microchip is cold. It sees the whole world as bunch of electrical signals, it might be the most complex thing but still is the most cold of all.

Is the world cold? Sure it is, if you are at the bottom of the food chain. Me you see my dear readers, I am the simpleton who believed the idealistic do-gooders who told us in schools that HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY but let me tell you sir that you are going to the empty shack right next to honesty's shack where you can fry your tactlessness on the cigar stub thrown out by the feeder's at the top of the food chain. And I my friends just wanted to see how is it down there but let me tell you that Honesty maybe the best policy, but insanity is a better defence.

So sir, I say plead INSANITY for where-ever you go, and you shall be absolved of all consciousness and maybe just maybe you will be happy in your mind.

As great Jagjit Singh sang "Aah ko chahiye, ik umar asar hone tak, kaun jita hai, teri zulf ke sar hone tak".